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Saturday, April 5th, 2003

(2 dead babies | kill a baby)

Subject:ahh, yess...
Time:3:13 am.
Mood: sleepy.
GAH!! why the hell does deadjournal have to be down... grr...

i really wanted to write this somewhere, so i suppose i'll put it in here for now.

so i'm talking to julie, and i decided to tell her about this dream i had. the both of us were in my room, and we went to lay on my bed... and suddenly, we were in like this neverending grass field. so we're laying on this field, and it just seemed all perfect and whatnot. then she says that she finds that kind of weird and funny because she had a dream about me too... and i ask her, "good or bad?" so she says, "good. how could a dream with you in it be bad?" and i was like... GAH! that was really sweet of her and stuff, and yeah... it just made me feel really great. but anyway, the dream was that we were on the beach all cuddling and stuff, just relaxing and laying there...

so yah, good times.

Tuesday, February 4th, 2003

(kill a baby)

Time:9:39 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
so anyway, i guess i'm gonna be posting on my other journal for a while. yeah, probably for good. i guess. i dunno.

sorry, fellow livejournal readers. heh, seriously though... did anybody even read this?

(kill a baby)

Subject:don't think i won't hit ya because i'm popular...
Time:1:25 am.
Mood: blah.
everything sucks right now... i am not sure why i'm posting yet again. maybe it's to remind myself that i have to get my stuff together. i guess i just need to ramble and right now, this is my only forum for that sort of thing. seriously though, where the fuck am i going in life? i need to get a job and work into the summer. take some classes at brooklyn college once the summer rolls around and when that's done, actually start at the damn place in the fall.

i really fucked up in the past, with the whole digipen thing. it wasn't all my fault, because the truth is, i just came to the realization that the school isn't for me. i suck at math and i hate it... and as i came to learn by attending digipen, there is way too much fuckin' math involved in video game programming. on top of that, there's tons of other shit i don't understand... and i know i'm not a fuckin' idiot, but i just couldn't wrap my head around that stuff. i still feel like a failure though, for not being able to adapt to stuff over there, for not being able to fucking pass my classes and whatnot. so i basically screwed that year up... then i came back to new york and didn't do anything school-wise because i was thinking i was going to move back to washington. i tried to find a job, but have been pretty damn unsuccessful so far... every time i come close, something fuckin' comes up. i seem to have the worst luck when it comes to getting work. so on top of that first waste of a year at digipen, i haven't done much at all since i got back to new york.

i really need to grow the fuck up. i really need to find a job, and go to school. those are the two things i need to focus on right now, nothing else. i really just need to concentrate on that... school especially, because if i want to actually become an editor or a director in the damn film industry, well, it definitely won't happen without the right schooling.

blah! indeed.

(kill a baby)

Subject:what if i was white...?
Time:12:58 am.
Mood: blah.
so let me see what's new...

it's over between sarah and i... i broke up with her. the thing is, i don't see things working out between us in the long run. i was supposed to move to washington in order to live with her, but i don't want to leave new york now. and i wouldn't want her to move here... i would feel so bad if she had to make the sacrifice that i myself couldn't make. i was telling her for the longest time that we'd make things work, but i don't know what i was thinking because the truth is, it can't work. i don't want to leave new york and if i can't step up and make that sacrifice, then i don't want sarah to have to be the one sacrificing something, even if she wants to.

i don't know if that makes sense.

oh, it's my birthday today. i turn 20, which is pretty horrible. i'm no longer a teenager and am unsure how to deal with that.

on saturday night, mo, chris and mike took me out to dallas bbq to eat, which was a lot of fun. i'm really glad to have such great friends... especially at a time like this, when i need support and whatnot. i'm not just saying that because of the sarah thing, i'm also talking about turning 20... it's kind of scary to me. at this point in my life, i should be doing something with myself... either working or going to school. i seriously have to start getting my shit together now... my sister is helping me get a job at riteaid, and i have to go down to brooklyn college sometime soon. i have to talk to them about taking some summer classes to start things off, then start my first semester in the fall. i was actually looking through their website and they have a video programming type degree... so that's good. i have to just get through this part of my life and get into this school and start getting my shit together because life sucks right now, big time.

Friday, January 24th, 2003

(4 dead babies | kill a baby)

Subject:i hurt myself today to see if i still feel...
Time:10:51 am.
Mood: good.
johnny cash covering a nine inch nails song? geez, i really never thought i'd see that happening. pretty damn cool, i must admit.

ohhh, i love sarah. she's the greatest, ever. she's PERFECT! you hear me, people of the World? sarah is PERFECT and she's MINE so that makes me the luckiest guy ever. none of you can have her because she's mine and we're going to be together forever. like i said, THE LUCKIEST!! :) :) :)

i wrote this three-page report on the history of comedy for sarah. i haven't written a report in the longest time and this actually went pretty quickly, only took me like two hours to do... less than that even, i think. i'm quite sure i did a good job with it, so sarah should be expecting a good grade on it. hehehh.

ya know, sarah and i have tons of nicknames for each other, seriously. we're cute like that. she calls me: giraffe, puddy, bear, skinny bear, puddy bear, cubby, sweetums, bubble, pootie. i call her: starfish, baby-bee, pootie, sleeping pootie, sexy starfish... and tons more for both of us. seriously though, we rock. :)


Thursday, January 16th, 2003

(kill a baby)

Subject:where were you while we were getting high?
Time:12:31 pm.
Mood: geeky.
updating once again... yay! i went to the 10th year raw anniversary special at wwe the world this past tuesday, it was pretty fun. it was me, don, mike, sheena, mo and chris, and overall, i guess the show was okay. no big suprise like we were all led up to believe... especially since everybody was saying bret hart was gonna be there, but oh well. still a good time.

sarah got my stuff in the mail, hoorahh! i'm gonna go out to the post office after this to mail more stuff out for her, some letters i wrote and a copy of the nada surf cd i burned for her. speaking of music, i just saw two the used videos, for "box full of sharp objects" and "the taste of ink." the ink song is pretty catchy, i've heard it before here and there... and sharpe objects is pretty neat too, i like the video, it just makes the band look like they're a bunch of fun-loving people. the reason i mention the used is because sarah told me she likes them a whole lot now... weird how she said that and as soon as i turned on the tv this morning, their videos were on mtv2. yehh.

speaking of sarah, i miss her bunches. i just can't wait until valentine's day, it's going to be so great. i have an idea in my head as to what we can do, but i'm still thinking of all the possibilities... so once i'm set on something, i'll tell sarah. hopefully she'll like my idea. valentine's day is on a friday this year, so that's excellent... last year it was on a thursday, so we had to actually celebrate it the day after.

agh, my birthday is coming up soon. i'm going to be 20 years old... that's so scary! i won't even be a teenager anymore... eww. heh, seriously though... that's like, HUGE. 20 years old? geez. i'm gonna be OLD.

i'm listening to oasis right now and they rock. my taste in music seems to change a lot... well, not so much my taste in music, but my favorite musicians rather. right now, i think it goes something like this:

1) coldplay
2) phantom planet
3) violent femmes
4) oasis
5) led zeppelin
6) u2
7) system of a down
9) clawfinger
10) pennywise

yeah, pennywise... i haven't listened to them in a while and just today i realized i have a bunch of their mp3s and i listened to them. pennywise is good. anyway, i think if i were to rewrite that list in a few days, i'm sure it'd be different... except for coldplay being at the very top, because coldplay friggin' rocks, in a soft and gentle kind of way. yeahhhhh! oookay, time for me to go, i think.

shhh, i have a secret...I LOVE SARAH!!

Monday, January 13th, 2003

(kill a baby)

Subject:whooohooo... whoohoohooo...
Time:12:03 pm.
Mood: awake.
the first quiz is kind of weird and i don't think i really lack sensitivity, but who knows. as for the second one, i think i may have taken it before, but i'm not entirely sure... so whatever...

What Element Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Which 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' actor are you!?

brought to you by Quizilla

(kill a baby)

Subject:whoooo's my seeexy STARFISH?!
Time:11:45 am.
Mood: okay.
hey journal, guess what, guess what, GUESS WHAT!?

did ya guess yet? okay, okay, okay... I LOVE SARAH!!

just writing that in case ya didn't know.

sarah is just so amazing and special and perfect. i know there is nobody else out there quite like her, nobody as great and beautiful and incredible as she is. i'm simply the luckiest because i get to call her mine. god, i love her so much... more than anything in the entire world. she's just so good to me... but me being the big idiot that i am, always tend to mess things up though. once valentine's day rolls around though, things should be okay... i can't wait until that time. i can't wait to see sarah and just hug her and kiss her, it's going to be so absolutely great. when she was here for new year's, it was so hard saying goodbye to her at the airport when time came for her to leave. i just can't wait to see her again... i can't wait to be able to hold her in my arms... hold her hand everywhere we go...

i miss my starfish. a whole lot.

i mailed sarah some stuff out last week and she should hopefully be getting it today. some letters and a few other things, so i'm hoping the new york postal service decides to be cool and delivers the mail on time for a change. that'd be grrrreat. yeh, yeh, yeh. i'm such a huge dork. sarah knows it too... we were reading old letters we wrote to each other through our relationship and man, i'm such a huge dork... how did sarah ever start liking me, even loving me? heheh... i totally have no clue, but i sure am glad she did. i sure am glad that the most incredible and beautiful girl in the entire world fell in love with me...

i know that i the luckiest. :) :) :)

Thursday, January 9th, 2003

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:if you can't get a girl, but your best friend can, it's time to move yer body!
Time:11:02 am.
Mood: okay.
whoa, it's been like 12 years since i last updated.

i'm still living in new york and sarah is still in washington and we're working things out. i'm not sure what's going to happen, but i know we're going to stay together no matter what. we're just way too perfect for each other... i love sarah way too much to just let her go. she's so amazing and wonderful and just so perfect. she's so incredible... i can't even put it all into words, how great she is and how much i love her.

she was in new york for a week over new year's which was a lot of fun. miss her so much already... that week with her was so not enough, as great as it was. i'm plannong in flying in to see her for valentine's day which is going to be pretty awesome. i'm not sure yet what exactly we're going to do for that, but i have a basic idea... of course i'm not going to tell sarah because i know she hates suprises. :) :) :) mwahahahhaa...

hmmm, i think that's all i will be writing for now. oh, i got a playstation 2 for christmas, so that's pretty neat. it's about time i got a new video game system, heh. plus i got a BUNCH of neat stuff from sarah and i got her some cool things as well. i'm wearing one of the t-shirts she got me right now, it says "i'm like a SUPER HERO with no powers or motivation" and it's pretty friggin' cool. yep, yep, yep. well, i shall update with more later...


Tuesday, November 26th, 2002

(2 dead babies | kill a baby)

Time:8:34 am.
Mood: ecstatic.
whoa, i am up EARLY today!!! holy crap. i just thought i'd sign on to post here before leaving. where exactly am i leaving to? TO SEE SARAH!!! YEH!! i'm going to washington for a week to spend thanksgiving with sarah, it's going to be so friggin' great. sure, my parents weren't too pleased about me leaving for washington again, but i'm paying for the tickets and sarah is paying for my return (or rather lending me money for it), so they don't really have much say. but getting back to my point, I GET TO SEE SARAH!! geez i'm excited... i can't wait to hug her and kiss her and just have her in my arms, it's going to be beyond great.

hmmmm, got lots of stuff to do today. gotta head out right now and pick up this turkey for my parents for their thanksgiving. my dad gets one for free from his job from this store, but they can't pick it up 'cos they're at work all day and the place closes at 5 pm... so i have to go get it and bring it back here. after that, i gotta go into the city and go to fossil to talk to the manager about possibly getting a job. hopefully if things go well i will be done with both of those things at around 1-2 pm... and then i can go hang out with mo and the crew for a little bit, and i'm getting joe's discman too since he's letting me borrow it for my trip. if he doesn't come through, mike said he'll give me his. yeah, good stuff. after that, i'll be off to the airport and off to see sarah! YEHH!!

i got a burned copy of the audioslave cd and i like it quite a bit. good stuff. ohh yeah, i gotta burn like a cd or two for the flight over to washington. so that i don't die of boredom or anything. oh yeahh, on my way back from the turkey-getting, i'll have to stop by the post office and pick up these books i ordered.

-> too good to be true: the collosal book of urban legends
-> everything you know is wrong: the dissinformation guide to secrets and lies
-> an underground education
-> the worst-case scenario survival handbook
-> watchmen (classic graphic novel)

hopefully that stuff will make my flight more enjoyable as well. especially watchmen, i've always wanted to read it... especially now that they're planning on turning it into a movie. anyway, i'm rambling here and i should really get going. see you in a week, journal. sarah, i'll see you tonight. I LOVE YOU!!

Thursday, November 21st, 2002

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:silly starfish!!
Time:10:33 am.
Mood: awake.
sarah e-mailed this to me and wanted to fill it out... i guess it's like an internet friend survey type thing, which is kind of silly since we've been going out for over a year and three months, but i don't mind filling it out at all so yeah... here it is.


1. What do you think of me? you are absolutely perfect and i can't imagine my future without you in it.

2. On a Scale from 1 - 10, how nice am I to you? a perfect 10, duh.

3. Do I seem Caring? definitely.

4. Outgoing or shy? outgoing.

5. Funny or serious? you can be serious at times, but i love your sense of humor.

6. Sweet or mean? definitely sweet.

7. Singing, or Dancing? lots of both.

8. Colorful or gray? very colorful.

9. Smart or stupid? very smart.

10. Faithful or Faithless? faithful.

11. Goody-goody, naughty-naughty, or in between? i dunno, goody-goody people don't throw pumpkins off bridges, do they sarah? ;) i guess in-between.

12. Weird or gifted? definitely not weird.

13. Which Celebrity is most like me? *shrugs* i can't think of one, really.

14. Do you like being friends with me? i love being in love with you.

16. What's my nickname? starfish! you're my starfish.

17. Dark or a bright person? bright.

18. Do you consider me one of your good friends? you're the love of my life. this survey is SILLY. yeah.

19. How would you describe me to someone else? sarah is the most caring and sweetest person i know, and she's beautiful and smart and funny, she's just so perfect.

20. Cheater or Loyal? loyal.

21. Guy-Crazed or Girl-crazed or laid-back? with me.

22. Sk8er or Preppy? uhh, are you serious with this question?

23. Chatty or quiet? definitely chatty.

24. Do you think I'm cute, OK, or HOT? you're absolutely gorgeous, sexy, hot, cute, attractive, pretty, and yeahhh...

25. What's your prediction for my future? you're going to be an art teacher and live with me and things will be awesome. DUH.

26. Internet junkie or writing freak? neither, i suppose...

27. Poetic or logical? logical, i guess. i dunno.

28. Annoyingly hyper or cutely hyper? THE CUTESTly hyper ever.

29. Will we be friends in the future? we'll be in love in the future, just like we are now. FOREVER.

30. Would you ever take a bullet for me? in a second.

31. Am I a kind of person you would ever date? i am now, ain't i? hehehh... we're going to be together forever, sarah. but you already knew that.

32. Would you stick up for me in a fight? i said i'd take a bullet for you, so i don't think a fight would be that big a deal...

33. Partier, semi-Partier, or party pooper? well, you definitely like to have fun but you don't get all stupid by drinking/smoking or anything... so i guess semi-partier?

34. Lovable, likable, or I hate you? LOVABLE!!!


35. Would you ever go out with me? isn't this question 31 all over again?

36. Would you ever give your phone number 2 me? i this this question is FUNNY. heh.

37. Do I have a chance with you? c'mon with the silly questions... we're perfect for each other, sarah.

38. Would you ever hug me? I LOVE HUGGING YOU!!

39. Would you ever kiss me? I LOOVEEEE KISSING YOOU!!

40. Have you ever had a crush on me? more then a crush, silly... it's LOVE. :)

41. What is the first thing you noticed about me? when we first met, probably your hair.

42. What is my best trait? i love everything about you, i can't just pick one thing... you've got an awesome personality, i love your sense of humor, and you're beautiful.

Wednesday, November 20th, 2002

(kill a baby)

Subject:hooray for airplanes!!
Time:10:53 am.
Mood: happy.
whoohoooooooo!!! i'm excited, i'm excited, i'm excited!! wanna know why?! WANNA KNOW WHY?!?! this here is why, yeahhhhhh!!

Welcome Aboard: Maciej Jedrych
Date: Tue 26NOV02
Flt: 83
Depart: New York, JFK 8:30pm
Arrive: SEA/TAC Int'l 11:45pm

I GET TO SEE SARAH IN LESS THEN A WEEK!! the 26th!! THIS COMING TUESDAY!! this is gonna be soooo great. god i miss her so much. i'm going to just hug her sooooo tight when i finally see her at the airport, it's just going to rock. geez i'm excited. I AM SO EXCITED!! AAAHHHHHH!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!


Thursday, November 14th, 2002

(kill a baby)

Time:10:51 pm.
Mood: good.
i'm about to leave so that i can go and talk to the owner at national wholesale liquidators. he told me to come back today to discuss me getting a job there... i dunno, he's kinda been giving me the run around telling me to come back here and there, but we shall see. after that, i have to meet mike at best buy so we can get mo a birthday gift... we're all going out to wwe the world tomorrow night to celebrate so that should be fun. he got smackdown 4: shut your mouth yesterday as a birthday gift, so mike and i decided to get him a multitap for the ps2 and an extra controller. yeah.

i will be seeing sarah in less then two weeks. I CAN'T WAIT!! yeaahh. damn, i'm so excited. i miss her so much and i'm so eager to see her again. she's just so perfect and i love her more then anything... it'll be really nice to be spending time with her again. I LOVE SARAH!!! :)

hmm, not much else to write about. for now. see you soon, journal thing!

Thursday, November 7th, 2002

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:i woke up today, a song was swimming in my head...
Time:6:06 am.
Mood: okay.
sarah wanted me to take this care bear quiz thingie... so i did. yay for me... and i took the other quizzes because i was kind of bored and yeah. go me. the death one is pretty funny as well, and i just HAD to take the fight club quiz. c'mon, how cool is that?

See what Care Bear you are.

lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

Which 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' actor are you!?

brought to you by Quizilla

How Will You Die?

Er, congrats, you're Tyler Durden from Fight Club!
You're a brilliant, egotistical, and psychotic figment
of somebody else's imagination! Way to go.
Oh, and yeah - you're mean.

(kill a baby)

Subject:gonna dream about the time when i'm with you!
Time:5:56 am.
Mood: bored.
i called places of possible work today... at toys 'r us, i spoke to a manager who wasn't the hiring manager and she said that there are hundreds of applications that have been handed in as of late since it's the holiday season and they're hiring holiday help and the lady who takes care of it has been doing callbacks daily.. and i handed in my application about a week ago, so if i don't get one soon, i probably won't at all. booo. k-mart said that they'll be doing callbacks over the next few weeks. suncoast video told me the manager will be in tomorrow but the girl whom i spoke to wrote my name down and said she'll tell the manager i called. old navy, gap and eb all told me that they are all looking through applications and doing callbacks now. called a few other places, but basically got a whole lotta nothing... i'm going to keep trying though. tomorrow morning i'm going to the place that mo works at and i'll talk to scott and see what's up with riteaid. i'll also talk to mike because he's supposedly getting a job at blockbuster, so i'll see if they're looking for more people.

i signed on to see if sarah responded to my e-mail, but she didn't... oh well. i did e-mail patrick yesterday though and he got back to me today, so it was good to hear from him since we haven't talked in a long time.

well, i'm gonna get going. i still have to call cvs and see what's going on over there, than i'm gonna call sarah so we can chat for a bit. i need a new phone card though... kinda of hard to acquire them when you're absolutely broke however.

i'm pretty bummed... stuff kind of sucks. this whole job search is suckin' hardcore and i have the worst luck (as i've already said) when it comes to work. the only thing that seems to get me through the day is thinking about how nice it'll be when sarah and i live together...

Tuesday, November 5th, 2002

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:i thought that i heard you laughing...
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: okay.
i have THE worst luck when it comes to getting a job. i've been trying for the past month and a half now since i want nothing more but to visit sarah sometime soon, hopefully for thanksgiving. originally i wanted to visit her on her birthday which passed this saturday, but that obviously didn't happen. i applied at a bunch of places and continually checked up on them, finally i get an interview... just one, but it's something at least, i thought. i go to this interview at sam goody and i think everything goes fine and i'm thinking i've got this job, but than i hear "sorry, we extended the offer to somebody else." all right, so i can't be there for sarah's birthday... let me start aiming for thanksgiving, i can surely earn up enough money between the beginning and end of november if i get a job right away. sure! i go with mo to this huge warehouse discount store called national wholesale liquidators because his uncle works there and told us to apply. we both hand in applications and the next day, mo is working... but i'm not. but the good news is that the next day i talk to scott who is the manager at riteaid and he says there's an opening, and when there's an opening, he can always get his friends in. he's not the hiring manager, but he always helps his friends get hired. so far his help worked for luke, alex and sehad, so i'm thinking i'm in and he basically guarantees me the job. i just have to take this prescreening test over the phone so i did that this past sunday and passed. i go and talk to scott today... and it turns out that the hiring manager is thinking of giving the guy who's spot i was supposed to take a second chance. so nothing is definite, but scott can't promise anything since he feels bad about having guaranteed me the job in the first place and now that's starting to fall apart. ARRRGHHH. hopefully something will come through for me real soon. REAL SOON. i'm sure that if i can at least save up for a one-way tickets, mom would probably pay for my return.

i'm so bored, i signed on to update my journal and check my e-mail.

anyway... i guess i'm bummed out... and i love sarah more than anything... and everything will work out and i know i'll be seeing her for thanksgiving.


Thursday, October 31st, 2002

(kill a baby)

Subject:first of a few, hopefully...
Time:4:24 pm.
Mood: okay.

okay, i'm bored... and i just signed on real quick to see if sarah responded to the e-mail i sent her earlier today, but she didn't. i think i may have sent the e-mail too late or something for her to check it... but anyway, i'm excited because the ups tracking page said she got the stuff i sent her today. sarah's birthday is on saturday so i ordered some stuff online for her and it got there today... so that's awesome and now i've just gotta wait to call her so that she can open her gifts on the phone with me. i also got her something from a store around here and mailed it to her, but that won't be getting to her until saturday.

i know it sounds lame when i say that i'm excited about her opening her gifts over the phone... because i know i should be there for her birthday. i wanted to be really bad but my job search has been fairly unsuccessful so far and that's left me with no cash. hopefully, something will come through real soon and within the next few weeks, i will be on my way to washington to visit sarah. after that, i'll come back here and keep working to save up all the money i make so that i can move back to washington in january. i can't wait for that... i really want to live with sarah, i miss her so much. after not seeing her for such a long time, seeing her every single day is going to be so great. waking up with her every morning and falling asleep by her side each and every night will truly be like a dream come true. things will work out, i know it... it's going to be real tough to get started once i move out there... we probably won't be able to move in right away but i know her dad doesn't mind me staying with sarah as long as i help out and whatnot. so i figure if i don't make enough money by that time, but have a decent amount, i can just work there to save up some more.

anyway, i'm gonna get going. i think i just might update more often whenever i come online, which isn't very often. i mostly just come on to either check my e-mail, read the latest crap on superherohype.com and ign.com, or to work on the street wrestling federation website i made.

oh yeah, i'm listening to this cd sarah sent me of her friend's band. it's pretty good.

(ps: I LOVE SARAH!!!!!!!!)

Friday, October 25th, 2002

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:i'm still alive...
Time:12:37 am.
Mood: depressed.
whoa... i'm updating. i totally forgot i even had a journal but than sarah said "i updated my journal" and i thought "oh yeah, that thing." so here i am updating... with nothing in particular. things aren't good, that's about all i'm gonna say for now, i really don't feel like writing. i will later on though, maybe...

i think phantom planet may be my new favorite band.

Friday, September 6th, 2002

(1 dead baby | kill a baby)

Subject:where in the world is maciej jedrych?
Time:11:02 am.
Mood: amused.
hey this is matt with an update... it's been a while since i have written anything but here i am once again in washington, at sarah's school writing stuff. i am in her english teacher's class room whose name i will not attempt to spell. anyway, sarah's computer is broken so this will be the only entry for a while. i am going back to new york around the 20th... than i will visit sarah for her birthday (november 2nd) and after that, i will be moving back to washington at the start of next year. sarah and i are going to get an apartament together so that will be really awesome...

speaking of sarah and i, this sunday will mark our one year anniversary. that's ssssuuuccchhh a long time we've been going out for... wow. yeah, it's a lot. a year, woooo... yeah. rock on.

ok, i'm gonna go do nothing. yeahhh.µ'

Thursday, August 1st, 2002

(kill a baby)

Subject:i think i'm losing my mind this time...
Time:2:03 pm.
Mood: sad.
sarah has been here for about three weeks now and things have been all right... well, up until today. we woke up this morning and i realized our kitty (mimi) was nowhere to be found... i checked under my bed where she usually sleeps but she wasn't there... so sarah and i started looking for her.

the entire time we were looking, the worst thoughts possible were running through my head... i live on the 10th floor and we have a balcony and on numerous ocasions, mimi has climbed up to the edge of the balcony. she'd walk on it and lay on it sometimes and it scared me to death every time she'd do it because i was always afraid that she'd fall... but since yesterday, the air conditioner has been turned on, so i was thinking there was no way mimi could have been even out on the balcony since the door to it was closed. sarah went to look on the balcony and she got her glasses and she started looking over the ledge... and she called me over because she couldn't see exactly what she was looking at 10 stories down... so i went over and looked down, and there all the way down on the scaffolding set up above the ground level laid mimi. i just started crying right away and went back inside... it's so unfair... and more so than anybody else's, it's my mom's fault. she was a bit drunk last night and she left mimi out on the balcony overnight... i know she did because i was talking to my mom on the balcony and mimi came out there with me... so my mom must have forgotten about her and left mimi out there overnight. mimi probably wanted to get back in and after crying and scratching at the door and nobody hearing her, i would think she'd try to get off the balcony somehow else or something... and i guess she hopped up to the ledge and fell off somehow, 10 stories down...

she was only six months old... sarah and i were supposed to grow old with that kitty, our kids were supposed to play with her... and this is really fucking unfair, i hate it... god, i loved that kitty so much. she was so little and playful and cute and now just like that she's gone... sure, we can always get another kitty when i move back to washington but it won't be the same. god...

now we have to sit here until my parents get home... tonight, sarah and i are going to get mimi's body and we're gonna bury her. i'm sure that's going to make me cry even more...

well, that's all, i think... maybe i'll post with something later...

LiveJournal for MATT.

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