MATT (matt981) wrote,

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don't think i won't hit ya because i'm popular...

everything sucks right now... i am not sure why i'm posting yet again. maybe it's to remind myself that i have to get my stuff together. i guess i just need to ramble and right now, this is my only forum for that sort of thing. seriously though, where the fuck am i going in life? i need to get a job and work into the summer. take some classes at brooklyn college once the summer rolls around and when that's done, actually start at the damn place in the fall.

i really fucked up in the past, with the whole digipen thing. it wasn't all my fault, because the truth is, i just came to the realization that the school isn't for me. i suck at math and i hate it... and as i came to learn by attending digipen, there is way too much fuckin' math involved in video game programming. on top of that, there's tons of other shit i don't understand... and i know i'm not a fuckin' idiot, but i just couldn't wrap my head around that stuff. i still feel like a failure though, for not being able to adapt to stuff over there, for not being able to fucking pass my classes and whatnot. so i basically screwed that year up... then i came back to new york and didn't do anything school-wise because i was thinking i was going to move back to washington. i tried to find a job, but have been pretty damn unsuccessful so far... every time i come close, something fuckin' comes up. i seem to have the worst luck when it comes to getting work. so on top of that first waste of a year at digipen, i haven't done much at all since i got back to new york.

i really need to grow the fuck up. i really need to find a job, and go to school. those are the two things i need to focus on right now, nothing else. i really just need to concentrate on that... school especially, because if i want to actually become an editor or a director in the damn film industry, well, it definitely won't happen without the right schooling.

blah! indeed.
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